America and my sadness-we need to march!

Times they are a changing and I am beyond outraged. I wake up every morning hoping another ridiculous bill will not be introduced in some state that violates women's rights. Roe v. Wade is always under attack but never more than now. Right before my eyes all that I fought for is slowly disappearing and I am not happy. Women are not stepping up with enough indignation that our rights are clearly and quickly being tested, whether it be vaginal ultrasounds without our permission or birth control not being on insurance policies while viagra is available. When I saw the all male committee deciding woman's probing I was furious but what to do. I give money, I write articles, I read FB and sign every petition but I just don't find that satisfying as when I marched or went to rallies back in the day. Why are we not protesting with our feet or our voices to a larger audience? Are we just too media drenched now that we don't let our voices and feet do the talking and walking? Where are the women leaders that take us to the great heights of Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan? We are stronger now than ever. We stand up and fight (just look at Komen) when we stood up and charged forcefully to voice our outrage. Where is our outrage now? Where is the real fight? I am ready to march but there are no marches, I am ready to stand and fight but there is no place to actually go but Facebook and other social medias. I want a place, a center, a march on Washington, Los Angeles, New York, and every other city. I want to see all women fighting for our rights to protect our bodies. Men can join too because you will be next if I have anything to say. Bills introduced as jokes now will become laws too and men will be probed and violated to get viagra or vasectomies if we have to, so do they. Instead of tit for tat, it will be balls off for vaginal probes (you get my idea). My country scares me now more than any time in my 63 years and as each day of my life passes we seem to be going backwards. We talk a good game about liberties yet, I feel a small majority are taking away my rights and no one seems to care but me. Women stand up, take a stand and fight with all your might. Pretend it was your children you were fighting for. Oh wait it is your children or future children or the right to no children or better yet, it is your body that is about to be stolen from you. Now is the time, now the energy must be spent and the money spent and your time spent. Help me please find the answers. I know we are capable, we have done it before. I have done it before. If I could close a college over the Viet Nam War and get the women's movement to accept that I have control over my own body, I can do it again. But, I represent the older women, we need the younger women to fight this fight with us and I don't see that as much as I would want. Get out, fight the good fight, know you did your best and watch what happens. We have the power NOW USE IT.

Why does Valentine’s day create a one day depression for me?

This year was no different. Regardless of what happened with my ex husband, my lovers, my boyfriends, my friends with benefits, I realize I have never thought of myself as having a true Valentine. Sure I have had the whipped crème, chocolate syrup, the flowers, the candy and the many dates but nothing ever like I would imagine a true valentine to be. It sets my mind to wandering what I would want if I could have my day with hearts.

I remember Valentine’s in school back in the day when you didn’t have to give every kid in your class a valentine. I always got my share of cute little cards as I was a popular kid, not the most popular but popular among all groups. I was a doer and a pleaser and a good friend to many. In high school I was in the most popular crowd but again not the most popular. Not the one who dated all the cool guys. I had lots of friends but boyfriends not so much. Back in the day I always thought I would find a boyfriend and when I got one the summer I graduated high school, I married him 2 years later at 19. He was not a true Valentine and I knew it when I walked down the aisle but that is another story for a different blog. I am looking for unconditional love. Is that an impossible dream? Am I giving unconditional love?

That is the word that sticks with me today. Unconditional. What exactly does that mean? This is where I get stuck. I want someone who takes the time out of their day to acknowledge that I am their “it girl” the one they cherish, the one they love and the one they want in their life that day and forever after. I want a day when I am all there is in their life. Of course, I would love that every day and would accept challenges and issues to flare up from time to time but on that one day a big, big shout out to me. It is different than birthdays which is another shout out day to me, but I create that. I throw myself my own parties and that is okay. My day is special because it is the one day that represents me in birth years. But Valentine’s Day, though made up, would be a day where someone did something for me all day. Made it all about me and I didn’t have to do anything but exist in their eyes. I could see into their soul and know they loved me, cherished me and wanted me. I know you are saying to yourselves that should happen every day within a marriage or a relationship, but even I know that doesn’t happen often or at least to me. There are must do lists, work and judgments that must come first, not necessarily devotion. I have not thought of myself as a romantic but I think deep down I am and would love to have it reciprocated just one day a year, on a made up holiday and one the whole world recognizes. But that is what I would like to see happen and so far it hasn’t.. When all my Valentine’s Days are categorized and processed, looking back, I was fooled into thinking it was a fun filled night but when really evaluated for love and being about me, they all fell way short and were just a fun filled obligation date. It was about me giving to the guy in my life and me making the romantic dinners, me buying the whipped crème, the feathers, the boas, the chocolate syrup. It was always me working too hard to make it happen. Why do I not find guys who do all that for me? Do they think I am too competent and therefore not in need of taking care of, just one made up day a year. I am probably getting all fuzzy in my 60's, looking back over all my days and loves and just lamenting that those I loved, loved me the best they could, but over time it wasn't even close to what I wanted or expected. Were my goals too lofty to wish that just one Valentine's Day would be for me? I am not sure but, I do know I was a single person again on Valentine's Day. Not a day, not the romping in the fields or on the beach, not the hike, or the day spent in bed just loving each other and putting work aside and all the chores of life for just one day. Just one day.

My interview with me

http://thenextfamily.com/2012/02/interview-with-madge-woods/

We continue our interview series with Madge Woods, Marketing Director for The Next Family and a huge support to the site and our community of writers.

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

I love my work with TNF. I met Brandy a couple of years ago when we were doing a live storytelling show. We immediately liked each other and within the week she asked if I would enjoy finding writers and then it branched into Marketing Director. It changed my entire focus for my life. I have always written but never for anyone but myself. Now I blog and tell stories and have met so many amazing writers. I have started a third phase of life. Being the elder here (63) I enjoy all the stories and love to comment as you all know. I have friends all over the world through this little job.

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

I was married at 19 for 20 years. I have two grown sons (ages 40 and 38) who are married and have given me the best 4 grandchildren in the world. I have been single for 24 years and love my life. I have been in a few long term relationships but have kept my mantra the same. I don’t want to live with anyone or marry again. I own my home outright after buying it twice (once as a married woman and then again when I divorced). I was a single parent from the time of my divorce. My grown sons have no relationship with their dad to speak of. When we divorced I would have said that would never have happened but it has and my ex is the loser in this deal. My kids are fabulous and he has missed knowing them as adults with their own families.

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle? If yes, explain and if not explain what you have done to help them to accept your decisions and your lifestyle.

When I first got divorced my mom wrote me the best letter of support and she was so happy I was doing what I wanted and wanted me to know it. My dad, being old school, was worried how I would fare without a man. He learned I was a wonder at it. He encouraged me in all my endeavors and was a wonderful father and terrific grandfather to my kids. He never lived long enough to meet the great-grandkids but he would have loved them. He would have gone to all their events just as he did for my two sons.

TNF: How do you juggle the work at home with your jobs?

I am fortunate to work from home. I own real estate and have enough income to live well. I also have lots of free time to explore writing and my art.

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons they, or perhaps we as parents, should unlearn?

As a grandparent I have learned to keep my mouth shut (mostly). Now that my older son and DIL live 5 houses away and across the street, keeping my mouth shut has become my newest quote to myself. I can’t wait until my grandkids can just come across the street by themselves and visit.

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

Take time out of your busy day to relax and breathe. Enjoy those kids, put away your cellphones and computers and play family games, read a book, and most importantly really listen. Your family has amazing things to say and it is true that kids say the darndest things. I regale my grandchildren with stories of their fathers. They laugh and can’t believe all the things their dads did when they were growing up. I share the good, the bad, and the ugly.

TNF: Anything you want our readers to know about you or your family?

I am very close to my sons and their families. I still remain close to all my ex brothers-in-law and their wives. I have been divorced for over 25 years and I love my life, my age, and I value all my amazing friendships from new to over 40 years old in lots of cases. I am honest, trusting (to a fault sometimes), and I speak my truth and try and empathize with our writers and readers. We have an amazing website and my goal is to travel the country to personally meet all of you sooner than later. I feel like I know you all so well. We truly are a unique family here in TNF.

This bugs the crap out of me (not related to my colonoscopy tomorrow)

It bothers me when a woman is getting separated and she knows nothing about anything having to do with finances. When I was too little to remember my dad talked finances to me. He explained how they worked and why one must be careful and watch out to make sure you are a secure woman. I had my own checking account at 16 and a credit card that I shared with my parents. I was expected from my small jobs and some allowance to maintain my checkbook, balance it and pay my bills. If I put something on that was approved by my parents they paid it. I became a record keeper and receipt person. I checked off my credit card bills and still do this today with receipts. I don't put anything on the cards that I can't pay off in full at the end of the month. While I was married I kept all our books, turned in everything to the accountant and actually read our income tax statements and knew what I was looking at and when something wasn't right I called my accountant. When I divorced at 39 after 20 years I knew everything I need to know for a lawyer. I knew what things were worth between us and what was the total assets and debts. I knew the fair market for our house and I knew what I was entitled to. I was not left standing there feeling like a dummy with no control. I can't tell you how many women I know that get divorced and know nothing and have trusted their husband with everything. I don't care whether your husband is a fucking accountant or a lawyer or anyone else who "knows things", I do my own research. We did a mediated divorce and I was happy with my decisions. I even went against my lawyer for some things that I thought needed to be fair (that he felt didn't). After 20 years I knew what I valued (peace of mind) and I let go of things that I knew would make me ex happy and help keep the divorce peaceful. I was educated, I was informed and I was smart. I think every woman who works or doesn't needs to be aware of their circumstances. I am not above snooping to find out what is going on if separate checking accounts are involved and the information is not forthcoming. But I believe in trust, honesty and fairness but I will protect my rights if I believe I am being taken for a ride. Women, do yourself a favor and protect yourself by knowledge and education. If you don't know the answers go to someone who does. I just heard of another story today where someone is separated and knows nothing. Also, divorce for the right reasons. Be able to take care of yourself and your kids if they are still at home. And don't be stupid-we are all smarter than that.

Amazing posts

Recently I was sent a private message on FB that made my day. Someone noticed something about my postings and without giving all my thoughts away wrote to see if what she thought was true was really happening. I was so impressed with her observations that I started to wonder how closely I look at things. The fact that her eye questioned something without wanting to be nosy really made me smile. I am a believer in truths and if someone asks me a question about my life I don't hold back. I express my feelings and will let others in easily, if they ask. Mostly, I hold the secrets for many but few hold mine. Is that because I am so transparent-I think it is? My life has always been an open book sometimes in a great, daring way and other times I have hurt people (not meaning to of course) and it amazes me the power of our words. My words mean a lot to me and I try to think about placement all the time but life is not always about control and manners. Sometimes I let loose and bring up things I know could easily be taken out of context or actually disappoint someone. My lifelong friends seem to recognize that my goodness outweighs my snafu's. They accept what I have to say and either embrace it or as easily toss it aside, but remain my friends. I have friends that are deeper than others and then surface friends and some in between. But, yesterday was so wonderful as someone noticed my words or lack there of and inquired. I was thrilled to write to them to tell them the story and thank them for being so right on and actually looking into my words or lack thereof. I feel in that one encounter like I have developed a deeper friendship with this person all because she took the time to notice. A life lesson learned.

My day in Heaven

Yesterday was a special day for me as I had all my grandchildren together, under one roof and in one backyard playing together like loving kids and cousins. This doesn't happen often but when it does my heart swells. When families are developed and I having sons, watch them grow and marry and have kids, something changes in the dynamic. There are other people on board-daughter-in-laws. And I have been blessed with two very special ones. They love their kids, my sons and family. But having not birthed them they come into a mix that was long ago developed between me and my sons. The dynamics change and I have always felt it was my responsibility to make sure everyone got along and played nicely in the sandbox of family. Again, I have been blessed that 98%of the time it works just as I want it, but 2% we struggle like every family with strong personalities and trying to please. Also, as a mom who wants everything to go smoothly always, it doesn't always happen. I have tried over the years various techniques some far more successful than others. I have learned the best one but not always so easy to practice-keeping quiet and still and letting things evolve organically. But sometimes my anxiety shows and that is not always the way it works. The great thing with strong personalities is we all speak our peace sometimes observers would say "forcefully and loudly" but in the end we get it out, cry, laugh, apologize and sympathize and move on. I think the kids see we can discuss, argue, disagree but always come back to loving. My little piece of heaven comes when it comes and I soak it in to return to the memories day after day. Thankfully, I have photos to remind me of those little bits of heaven here on earth. Happy New Year 2012 and I am ready for you.

Thinking and looking back and forward

2011 was a learning year. I really learned about Facebook and used it to widen my scope on politics, on prison reform, on suffering, joy and a million other points of new interest. I have learned that all people are not as they appear and some take a while to show their true colors. I have found some amazing new charities to support and some individuals who are struggling and could use a leg up. I have again confirmed that my life is blessed. I have my health, I have my family (and we all get along) and I have my grand kids and seeing my grown sons in some amazing light and watching them thrive and do their absolute best. I am amazed at how well they parent and how well they treat those around them and how many wonderful friends they have and of course being loving husbands to terrific wives and strong women. I appreciate my Mom and her struggles being totally dependent on her loving caregivers and my sister and me. I have terrific neighbors and a street where everyone knows your name and truly is a community within a large usually distant city. I have amazing friends that are a comfort to me just by being who they are with all their wonderfulness and their personalities and their loving compassion for life. Through my connection with The Next Family, as their marketing director, I have met so many amazing writers with different lifestyles and still they show me everyday that a family is a family no matter how it is built. I have welcomed new friend and new babies into my life from people that I have never met in person but feel I know through their words and deeds. My most proud moment is having both my mentees finish parole without so much as a glitch. The program that put us together has long since ended but I have two wonderful women in my life who fill me with the best feelings of joy as they have struggled and succeeded in getting their lives to be productive and fulfilling to everyone who meets them. They have lead me on a journey that has truly changed my life for the better and has helped inspire my interest in supporting those that are fighting every day to release women wrongfully convicted and for those in prison to be treated with dignity. I have seen my donations to all charities reward good people doing awfully hard work and never giving up. I have stood by friends in sorrow, grief and still managed to come out the other side with strength and determination. As I look back I can see where I can make a better difference in 2012 by choosing who to spend my time with and my money on. I have learned to share because I can afford it and because giving back for my blessed life is what means the most to me. As this year draws to a close I will continue to contribute to a life with compassion, global awareness, deep friendships and most of all charity and giving that sustain me and make me a better person. To those who have helped me in my journey a hardy thank you and continued blessings to you and your families.