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10 hours ago
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
This bugs the crap out of me (not related to my colonoscopy tomorrow)
It bothers me when a woman is getting separated and she knows nothing about anything having to do with finances. When I was too little to remember my dad talked finances to me. He explained how they worked and why one must be careful and watch out to make sure you are a secure woman. I had my own checking account at 16 and a credit card that I shared with my parents. I was expected from my small jobs and some allowance to maintain my checkbook, balance it and pay my bills. If I put something on that was approved by my parents they paid it. I became a record keeper and receipt person. I checked off my credit card bills and still do this today with receipts. I don't put anything on the cards that I can't pay off in full at the end of the month. While I was married I kept all our books, turned in everything to the accountant and actually read our income tax statements and knew what I was looking at and when something wasn't right I called my accountant. When I divorced at 39 after 20 years I knew everything I need to know for a lawyer. I knew what things were worth between us and what was the total assets and debts. I knew the fair market for our house and I knew what I was entitled to. I was not left standing there feeling like a dummy with no control. I can't tell you how many women I know that get divorced and know nothing and have trusted their husband with everything. I don't care whether your husband is a fucking accountant or a lawyer or anyone else who "knows things", I do my own research. We did a mediated divorce and I was happy with my decisions. I even went against my lawyer for some things that I thought needed to be fair (that he felt didn't). After 20 years I knew what I valued (peace of mind) and I let go of things that I knew would make me ex happy and help keep the divorce peaceful. I was educated, I was informed and I was smart. I think every woman who works or doesn't needs to be aware of their circumstances. I am not above snooping to find out what is going on if separate checking accounts are involved and the information is not forthcoming. But I believe in trust, honesty and fairness but I will protect my rights if I believe I am being taken for a ride. Women, do yourself a favor and protect yourself by knowledge and education. If you don't know the answers go to someone who does. I just heard of another story today where someone is separated and knows nothing. Also, divorce for the right reasons. Be able to take care of yourself and your kids if they are still at home. And don't be stupid-we are all smarter than that.
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Amen Madge…..I agree 100%. Financial independence for a woman is a must, especially in these times. Well done!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Georgie for you comments and support.
DeleteMadge that is so well said. I am amazed at how many young women today don't get involved in daily finances(bill paying) and tax returns. Perhaps they are just following in their mother's footsteps. I also wonder about the current group of young Hollywood. Do they just let their accountants, managers, and advisors run the show. Big mistake!
ReplyDeleteThanks Valerie for always supporting me.
DeleteAbsolutely Madge!! No excuse to NOT know whats going on with finances...!
ReplyDeletexoxox
Melody
Thanks Melody for always supporting me.
Delete"Be able to take care of yourself and your kids."
ReplyDeleteWell, I agree, in general. Sadly, the reality of the bad economy (coupled with age) may make even the most qualified among us unable to accomplish this in the way we wish... especially if the divorcing issues rage behind the scenes. Just saying...
Still, I couldn't agree more about not being stupid when it comes to some fundamental and basic skills, not to mention - not accepting utter ignorance of something so important as family finances.
That may have been something our mothers did, but today? There is - in my opinion - little excuse. And yet, women continue to do it. They put on their rose-colored glasses and hope (and trust). And it isn't just divorce that makes this problematic. Illness or if a spouse passes away can leave the woman with the additional burden of feeling overwhelmed by a universe of numbers she knows nothing about.
And of course, this same situation can take place when talking of same sex partners as well. It's a matter of one taking on certain responsibilities and choosing to remain ignorant of the others. Unwise.
Great post.
BLW, I agree with the bad economy and the age issue but at least knowledge can always benefit the person and make them feel stronger and more empowered. Thanks for your support.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting to me because MOST of the women I know are in charge of the finances in their home. And the women I know who've recently divorced could see in to the future before their divorces were finalized better than their husbands could. I think my generation and those younger tend to be around enough divorce that they know to look out for themselves, and most of them seem to run the money from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteBarb,I am so happy to hear this. It could be generational but I think not as I read blogs from all ages. It seems that if the power is held with the man he controls all the finances and the wife has a checkbook that he puts money into. I hope you are right.
ReplyDeleteExcellent message. My mother taught me when I was young. My husband is in full agreement. There is no reason this should happen in today's world.
ReplyDeleteThanks Chery, always appreciate your comments.
ReplyDeleteThis drives me CRAZY!!!! I can't imagine not knowing what is going on. It's a partnership not a dictatorship. I've seen soooo many women in this situation and have a neighbor going thru it as we speak. She has nothing. It breaks my heart. We have taught Tatiana how to take care of herself so when she goes out into the world and into a relationship she will never be in the dark. It's so important. Great blog. Love you. A.
ReplyDeleteOf course you have Amy, I would expect nothing less. It seems to be older generations but then I hear from people that they know someone that is younger and gave all the power to the man. Knowledge is power. Thanks dear friend for sharing your comments.
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