Saturday, January 12, 2013

On Becoming Lazy

I was a doer my whole life, a fixer if you will. I always was ready to help anywhere and anyone. Only backfired twice in my life that I remember. Most often it enriched my life. I worked hard, played hard and journeyed far. I loved my life. Now, I still love my life day to day but I have become lazy with just about everything. I can lay in my bed for hours reading and writing. I can watch Tivo'd shows and not think about getting dressed or showering. My neighbors see me more in jammies than in regular clothes. I must state, I am not depressed. I know that feeling well, but with great meds that hasn't been my issue in almost 20 years. No, this is a new state of being for me. I can run around and get so much time in a short time and then retreat to my room and my bed. I have no unfinished projects ever, as I am a doer and on the ADD/OCD side (which has always made me productive and extremely organized). That seems to be some of the issue. I am too organized. I want some chaos in my life, some drama (I gave that up years ago, too) and some madness. I know, for all you who suffer from things I want, you will see this as mad and crazy. I used to try and get my house messy, I tried to not finish projects but it was not in my DNA. I have had a rich and great life and it is still rich and great but just with a lot more free time and try and I might I can't seem to fill the days with projects or exciting adventures. Sure I go out and have friends galore. I can keep busy but not inclined to do so as I once was. I don't want to think of myself as aging out of all that my life has been yet, I see myself far more at ease with nothing going on and that it so not me. I have seen it creep in slowly and now become a part of my life. I fight it but not as much as I used to. I seem to have to force myself out by myself. Never used to be that way. When I worked full-time, I had a housekeeper and now after 20 years I couldn't see her not being in my home one day a week. She is part of the family and I know she loves coming here because there is no mess and just dusting to do for the most part and changing sheets. My house is pretty damn clean and organized. I have gone from leaving when she comes to letting her clean around me as I lay around doing my writing and reading and other activities. I am luck to have a very talented painting teacher who motivates me at least once a month or more and that works for the two hours she is here in my studio but I never venture out on my own just to paint. I have become lazy. If people knew me years ago lazy would have never entered their minds. I worked out (still do for two half hours a week). I walked to everything I could (but now drive). I never ate sensibly and still don't. I go places by myself as I did before but, not as much. I want and desire to change it up but have no ideas as to what I can do. I need projects, I need goals, I need suggestions. Does anyone need their house organized or garage cleaned? I am a great organizer, doer and fixer. I will travel to you. So here I sit on a beautiful Saturday in Los Angeles, in my jammies, writing. I did walk over to my neighbors for homemade waffles but in my jammies and bathrobe. I am planning on showering and going to my grandson's basketball game at 6 pm and then to Apple Pan for dinner with him and my son but, that's it. To all my friends who need help in anything, call me and give me a project. The bad part is I have also learned the ability to say NO!!!

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